They say kids are resilient. Frankly, I don’t know who THEY are, yet I do know that kids endure much at the hands of other people’s actions and decisions.
“Obstacles, of course, are developmentally necessary; They teach kids strategy, patience, critical thinking, resilience and resourcefulness,” according to Naomi Wolf, American author, political consultant, and journalist.
Children don’t choose fun things like family vacation locations, nor sad things like their parents divorcing. They are don’t get to choose where the family lives or when the family moves. Having lived in 5 different states and 13 different houses before seventh grade, I get it! Relocating either down the street or thousands of miles away can be stressful on kids.
That said, there are ways that parents can include the youngsters in the house that reduce family stress and can make a move an exciting adventure for everyone.
Sharing the good news: Moving is not like a surprise trip to Disney where you pack up and go in dark of night. Once the decision is made, sit down with the whole family to share. Be prepared to answer questions about the new place as well as to address the uncomfortable “whys” and “do we have to” uncertainties. Every kids is different, and as a parent, you’ll know best if your child needs a week or a month to process.
Include kids in the new home search: As a Realtor, I have often shown homes with littles who have been told they get to pick the house. This is particularly difficult if the child does not want to move, so maybe don’t plan the full house-hunt process with them at your side. Rather, create a family wish list. Older kids can be tasked with researching the new community for activities that will appeal to different family members. A good time to introduce the younger family members to what might be their new home is when mom and dad have narrowed to the top one or two. Word to the wise, if by choice or necessity toddlers must attend all showings, pack snacks and toiletries.
Listing the current house: It’s not uncommon for folks to need to sell in order to buy, which means you may need a plan to be our of the house for showings and open houses. Before going live on the market, have a list of last minute activities you can do (like the playground at McDonalds, head to a local museum or a movie) so you can encourage kids to move faster out the door. Additionally, these rewards can be used as thank you’s for helping mom and dad keep the house show-ready. Using the times buyers are touring your old house is a great time to also “say” good-bye to the area your leaving by scheduling lunches with friends, taking photos of favorite parks and more.
Packing up and away we go: When my own family would move, the scary part was losing my room and my space as well as the thought of someone else potentially misplacing my favorite treasures in a random box. Allowing kids to pack up their room gives them comfort knowing their stuff is cared for and having them unpack in the new space provides ownership and pride in where you’ve arrived. An additional thought would be to allow younger children to anxious kids will sigh relief when the doors swing open.
Making the new community into your new hometown: Like you, kids will need time to adjust and to find their own new favorite places, both in the home and in the area. Remember the research done by older kids when doing the new home search? Use that list to introduce the family around. Another way to help kids feel like a priority is to help them set up their new room before putting away the kitchen dishes.
Moving is an exciting opportunity that bonds family together as they establish a new normal in a new home. And, it’s scary, especially for kids that may feel they’re just along for the ride with no say in the adventure. Communicating with them about each step of the process, hearing their worries and everyone working together will help reduce everyone’s stress.